A few years ago I was required to go to a family open house with people I would never see again nor had any common connections with.  It was a 3 hour Christmas open house and I dreaded it.  Small talk is not my forte, but I can do it.  I stopped by two people who were talking about going to their doctors during the week and the aches and pains they were experiencing.  Another person was talking about the social security problems they had to deal with.  As you can see I was dreading the next three hours.

So I went up to this man and thought I would change the topic of conversation, so I ask him if he had ever been in World War II.  He said yes and so I promptly asked him what he did.  He replied that he was General George Patton’s personal tank driver.  for the next three hours I was engrossed with conversation, question after question coming from my mind.  “Tell me about the Patton’s dog.”  “How realistic was the depiction of the real Patton to the movie ‘Patton’?”  “What kind of person was he in real life?”  “What do you remember most about your experience with him?”  “How did he treat you?”  Question after question came to my mind about his personal history and the richness he was bringing to the table.

History of the person we are dating can enlighten us as to the kind of person we are attempting to connect with.  As they tell about their family of origin, the stories of their experiences with their father, mother, and siblings can shine a light on how important relationships are.  If they have a great connection with their father, it can help us see whether they respect men/women as compared with negative relationships with those family members.  The more positive stories they share, the greater potential for healthy family connections.

When people are describing their past, is there a tendency to focus on the positive things of life, or to dwell on the negative aspects?  Realists are people who see both positive and negative aspects of experiences, but they can become too negative and become Debbie downers.  Idealists are those who only look at the positive and are great to be around, but may not incorporate the negative things of life and run away from conflicts because of the negative nature that arguments can bring.

Broken relationships of the past can bring insight to a person as well.  When a person reveals the reasons for the break up, do they point the finger at the other person and the factors they brought to the table that caused the demise of the relationship?  People who have a tendency to blame others for the dissolution of a relationship may have difficulty in admitting fault for what they bring to the table.  I assume only one thing when I counsel people who come into my office–everyone who walks through my door is flawed like I am.  I make mistakes daily and I assume that others do.  It’s easy to say that I am not perfect, but an entirely different matter to identify what specifically I contribute to the deterioration of that relationship.  Too much time talking about broken relationships can indicate some unresolved issues of the past and the holding on to bitterness and resentment of what that person said or did.

Principle

Past personal history brings rich knowledge and wisdom to our decision-making skills.  Opening our ears to listen can potentially cause us to miss the pitfalls of unhealthy connections.