Character traits

Hummingbird War Games

Over the weekend Nadine and I saddled up our horses (car horses that is) and headed for the high country of Flagstaff for some R&R.  We typically drive up on Thursday night and come back on Monday morning, although on this trip we started out on Friday afternoon.  Neither of us had eaten much that day and decided to cook us some vegetables (I mean just vegetables) for our supper.

Our menu for the night consisted of blackened brussels sprouts, garlic sautéed mushrooms, finishing the meal with apple slices layered with peanut butter.  It may not sound all that exciting, but it was sooo good after a long day of work.  We sat on our front porch in our love seat swing and watched the harvest moon begin to peak through the ponderosa pines.  The coolness of the night setting in caused our bodies to decompress and want the comforts of our California king mattress.  It didn’t take long for our heads to hit the pillow fall asleep.

Saturday morning begins with a 4.65 mile walk around the grounds with our 8-year-old Cavalier King Charles puppy named Monte.  He loves the walk, but on the last mile he was dragging, but he made it.  It was time to pull the lounge chairs out from under the patio awning and take a breather.  I do need to tell you that I have fed birds on my back patio for over 25 years and love to see all kinds of birds that come to the feeder.  I also have a hummingbird feeder that draws in hummingbirds for a drink of especially mixed ingredients for their palate.

Nadine and I had no idea what was in store for us to enjoy when the hummingbirds came to drink.  There were several personalities present in the theater of hummingbird dances.  The first hummingbird to come to the water was a quiet soul that made no sound but just wanted to feed and move on.  She (I say she because the males make loud sounds, but the females are quiet) would point her beak into the drinking hole for a few seconds and then go to the next hole and the next.  Once she was satisfied, she would fly off.

The males didn’t want anyone to come and drink from the well of delight and would scare off any seekers of the delicious beverage.  The one male in particular would sit on a branch not far from the feeder and would wait for a seeker to come and would chase them off, signifying that it (the feeder) was his and his alone.  Little did he know that as he was gone, others would come to the feeder and get their fill of the delightful nectar.

One time another male came to drink and the squatter of the feeder took off in a war to keep this intruder from getting any of the juice.  The males went beak to beak and fought for over a minute in mid-air with their beaks seeking to win an advantage over the other, all the while other hummingbirds were coming to the feeder to drink.

The highlight of our time came when one of the younger female hummingbirds came to the porch and did an amazing thing.  She hovered over Nadine’s head about 2-3 feet above her and stopped.  As she was hovering above her head, it seemed like forever  that the hummingbird was checking her out and maybe getting a scent of her perfume that she wanted some of.  We don’t know what it was all about, but for 20-30 seconds she just hovered, moving just above her head, and then moving to where her hands were.  After getting enough of whatever she wanted, she moved to the feeder, drank her fill, and flew off.

There are so many comparisons in our personal lives and relationships we can glean from God’s creation.  In family structures, there are those who just want to satisfy their needs in life and move on.  There are others in family relationships that are so determined to protect their turf and not allow anyone else in the family to get the upper hand that they lose out on taking care of their own needs.  They chase others away from potentially having a wonderful impact in their own lives.  There are those that are so committed to doing battle with other members of the family and isolate themselves from connecting with a support system that is so needed.

Finally there are family members like the inquisitive hummingbird who take time to find out about others in the family structure and to smell the perfume.  On this journey in building healthier families, it might be helpful to determine what kind of person you are and work on moving to healthier places of connection within your own family system

How To Pick A Mate: Part I Character Traits

Our first date, the breakfast experience, where we shared our backgrounds, our baggage, our past, set up a desire for us to want to see and hear more from each other.  Questions that surfaced from the first meeting began to bubble in our minds.  “How did you feel when she did that?”  “What did you do when that happened?”  “What were you thinking when they took that action?”  “How long did it take you to get over that hurt?”  “What did you do next?”  “How did it affect your present relationships?”  “What kind of support did you have when you were going through this experience?”  It seemed that the more the mind thought of what had been talked about, the more questions surfaced.

It was during our next date that these kind of questions came to the surface.  I invited Nadine over to my house for a barbecue when Carter wasn’t home in a relaxing atmosphere to gain more insight into her life, and she mine.  It was in April so we sat outside and talked for hours.

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It’s in the early stages of interaction that personality and character traits emerge.  I can only speak for myself, but I saw a very loving and giving person.  Here are some of the positive character traits that I began to find in Nadine.  She sacrificed herself (giving) in many ways to take care of the needs of others.  She had very strong opinions (a mind of her own) on certain topics and wasn’t afraid to voice those opinions.  She ran a business with 18 employees and had a business mind.  Her care was manifest in the way she took care of her employees and her customers.  She was an independent thinker and was self-assured when it came to business and personal life.  She was very articulate and verbalized her perspective in clear and understandable ways.  I appreciated this trait more as we continued our relationship, but when she told a story or gave her perspective of something, by the end as you listened to her you had few if any questions to fill in the missing pieces.  She was interested in my story and my life and asked many questions because of her interest in me.  One of the characteristics that hit me the most was the way she manifested grace to the baggage I brought to the table.  I never felt judged for the past and always felt that I was accepted for who I was and my stuff.

Principle

In beginning a new relationship, it is important to define the qualities of the person you are dating.  These qualities set the foundation for moving forward with this person.  This step can also help in setting up boundaries for relationships that are negative and unhealthy.