I was a baby boomer.  My sister and I were born after World War II.  The baby boomers were also dubbed the “Me Generation” by writer Tom Wolfe in the 1970’s.  Those who grew up between 1946 and 1964 were in this category and manifested similar characteristics.  Self-realization.  Self-fulfillment.  Self-help.  New Age.  Disposable Income. Sexual Revolution.  Narcissism.  The focus was more on self and what was important to me than on others.  Mind you, not everyone manifested these traits, but the culture cultivated this mindset with movies such as Ordinary People (1980), An Unmarried Woman (1978), and others.  You can imagine the kinds of conversations that ensued with individuals who were self-focused.  The conversation would usually be one-sided were one person would talk about his or her life, his or her interests, what was important to them, with little or no questions coming back the other way.

You may have experienced this kind of person when interacting with them.  You introduce yourself to them and they begin to talk about themselves.  Only about themselves and their interests.  They love to talk.  They get energized when you ask them questions about themselves, but there is never any questions coming back.  I remember a few months ago taking my son to Las Vegas for a lacrosse tournament.  He was on an all-star team and I didn’t know any of the parents, so he encouraged me to reach out and connect with them.  I went up to two of the parents and began asking them how long they lived in the valley.  I asked where their son went to high school.  I asked what position he played on and what he was planning to do with his lacrosse after high school.  After asking 5-6 questions, I was thinking there might be a question coming back to me in the same regard.  Nothing.  They could care less about me or my journey or my sons journey.  The conversation quickly died without me firing the flame of questions.

In interacting with people, it becomes apparent very quickly whether a person is self-focused or other-focused.  Don’t get me wrong.  I believe it is important to love yourself and cultivate your interests and dreams.  BUT there is a balance of self-focusing and other-focusing.  If you only focus on others, there is a tendency to lose yourself and your identity.  If you only focus on yourself, you find yourself having great esteem about yourself, but few friends and associates.  People unfortunately don’t like to be around others who are all about themselves.

Principle

This is a good time to check yourself as to where you are on the continuum of self-focus versus other-focus.  Your evaluation of yourself can contribute to your personal growth in either direction so you live a balanced life.  You can then see clearly in interacting with others who manifest a similar balance.