My dad died in June 1990 and we had a good relationship when he died. There were some issues that we had to talk about during my high school years that caused disconnection for a few years. He was a perfectionist and communicated from a perfectionist expectation. I remember mowing the grass for the first time when I was 10 and was so excited and wanted him to see. He came out and said, “You missed a spot.”

I would go with him on jobs after he was done with the rural mail route to put in tile or fix plumbing. I was the one who cleaned the tools after the job was done. He didn’t see the tools I had cleaned, but saw the spots I missed.

I resolved these issues with him when I got into college, but what would have happened had he died before I was able to resolve my resentment toward an inability to ever meet up to his expectations. What happens when you have a severing of a relationship, or marriage, or parental tie and are never able to go back to them to deal with and resolve the issue?

This brings up the second scenario. What do you do with relationships of the past where you don’t have opportunity to go back to them and resolve the issue?

Some have said that you need to forgive them and move on. For those of you who have been able to forgive that person who hasn’t asked forgiveness that is fantastic? But there are those who have tried to go down this route and couldn’t put the past issue to rest. For those of you who are in this category, here is an alternative that could release you from this baggage so that you can move on in a healthy way to your present relationships.

I have a couple of questions that need to be asked. Does God forgive every sin even if we don’t ask Him? He says in I John 1:9 that if we ask for forgiveness he is faithful and righteous to forgive us of our sins, but He doesn’t forgive us until we ask. Does God expect us to forgive others who don’t admit fault when He doesn’t? In Ephesians 4:32 it says that we need to forgive others just as God in Christ forgives us. He forgives us “If” we ask for forgiveness. Here is the difference. Jesus is ALWAYS WILLING to forgive us, but the forgiveness is not actualized until we ask for it. His death on the cross-made forgiveness available to all , but we need to confess our sins or acknowledge our sin before He forgives us.

Some will say that if we don’t forgive others, we hold bitterness in our heart. I propose that in the same way that Jesus is always willing to forgive, we can do the same by being willing to forgive someone we will never come in contact with. If they were to sit in front of you and sincerely apologize for what they had done (even if they are no longer here) would you forgive them?

This perspective is based on the premise that when we are willing to forgive others of what they have done, the willingness to forgive released the bitterness we feel so that we can move on even if we never see the person again. For those who have applied this principle to past issues with family members who are no longer here or past marital partners who have wronged them, there has been a burden that has been cut away so that they can move on without bitterness or resentment.

Some who are reading this will have questions and I encourage you to dialogue with me on this. I realize that this has not been taught in the churches for the most part, so you may have questions and I would urge you to dialogue with me on this.

Other passages to look at

Luke 17:3-5

II Samuel 11-12 David and Bathsheba; Confession/Forgiveness

Principle

Willingness to forgive those we no longer have connection with can free us from past baggage and allow us to experience the greatest potential of present/future relationships.