Our first date, the breakfast experience, where we shared our backgrounds, our baggage, our past, set up a desire for us to want to see and hear more from each other.  Questions that surfaced from the first meeting began to bubble in our minds.  “How did you feel when she did that?”  “What did you do when that happened?”  “What were you thinking when they took that action?”  “How long did it take you to get over that hurt?”  “What did you do next?”  “How did it affect your present relationships?”  “What kind of support did you have when you were going through this experience?”  It seemed that the more the mind thought of what had been talked about, the more questions surfaced.

It was during our next date that these kind of questions came to the surface.  I invited Nadine over to my house for a barbecue when Carter wasn’t home in a relaxing atmosphere to gain more insight into her life, and she mine.  It was in April so we sat outside and talked for hours.

It’s in the early stages of interaction that personality and character traits emerge.  I can only speak for myself, but I saw a very loving and giving person.  Here are some of the positive character traits that I began to find in Nadine.  She sacrificed herself (giving) in many ways to take care of the needs of others.  She had very strong opinions (a mind of her own) on certain topics and wasn’t afraid to voice those opinions.  She ran a business with 18 employees and had a business mind.  Her care was manifest in the way she took care of her employees and her customers.  She was an independent thinker and was self-assured when it came to business and personal life.  She was very articulate and verbalized her perspective in clear and understandable ways.  I appreciated this trait more as we continued our relationship, but when she told a story or gave her perspective of something, by the end as you listened to her you had few if any questions to fill in the missing pieces.  She was interested in my story and my life and asked many questions because of her interest in me.  One of the characteristics that hit me the most was the way she manifested grace to the baggage I brought to the table.  I never felt judged for the past and always felt that I was accepted for who I was and my stuff.

Principle

In beginning a new relationship, it is important to define the qualities of the person you are dating.  These qualities set the foundation for moving forward with this person.  This step can also help in setting up boundaries for relationships that are negative and unhealthy.